The Power of Love over Hate

About ten years ago, a woman in her mid-twenties, (we will call her Mary, to protect her identity) came to see me regarding her state of health. She had anorexia, she was but skin and bone; her condition was serious, I was very concerned.

I was surprised that she knew me; it was through several different people she had found me.  At our first meeting, I let her talk, so I could have an idea of why she had this condition, what was the root cause.

‘I have a condition called Anorexia, and I don’t know why I have it and how to get rid of it. No one knows how to help me, I really don’t feel well, I hate food and I can’t stand being around people.’  Mary looked at me, ‘I feel comfortable talking to you though.  There is something about you; do you think we could be friends?  Do you think you can help me?’

I really didn’t know what to say to that, but I had a sense that this girl needed someone to be a friend.  ‘I suppose we could be friends, yes.  How about we have a cuppa and we can have a chat.’ Mary was happy I said yes, and waited while I prepared a cup of tea for us both, I brought in a few small pieces of dark chocolate on a plate, so we could have together.

‘We sipped our tea, and I allowed Mary to talk about anything.

This was mainly very negative chatter, about friends, and how they had kept away from her, and about how she hated people looking at her.  I noticed that even though she had taken a small square of chocolate, she would only nibble on the edges, pretending to eat, ‘I feel guilty eating this, I … I can’t eat it.  Can you help me?’

An hour went by and I rose from my chair, ‘It has been lovely chatting with you today.’

‘Thank you for listening.  Can I see you tomorrow?’  She asked as she went to meet her mother who was in the car waiting for her.

I went to make some lunch in the kitchen, and I heard someone come in the front door, I went to see who it might be, it was Mary’s mother.  She had made up an excuse to go to the toilet while Mary was in the car. ‘Yes, can I help you?’

Mary’s mother spoke to me about her daughter, she was very concerned as she wanted her daughter to go to hospital, but her daughter didn’t want to go, Mary was becoming extremely stubborn and easily upset and even angry.  ‘My daughter is refusing any help; she is getting worse and worse.’

‘Why haven’t you called an ambulance, she is in a very weak and in a dangerous condition, I will call the ambulance if you don’t.’

‘No, please don’t, please.  I have already done that, but she refuses to go to the hospital, then she gets very upset and even more debilitated.  If you can find out what is causing this and help her.  Can we try tomorrow, please?’

‘I would rather she went to hospital, but I suppose if she wont, bring her tomorrow, but if there is any sign of deterioration, I will call an ambulance.’

That evening, I needed to spend time considering and praying about all that I had heard and learnt from my session with Mary.  I knew that she was in need of love and attention and I knew she had anger within her, but what had caused it?  Anger is usually produced from hate, but what had made her hate, and caused her to hurt herself.

Next day we sat and chatted again, Mary needed constant reassurance that I was her friend.  ‘As a friend I would like to share with you, what I believe is causing the anorexia.  Would you like me to tell you what I believe?’

‘Yes.’  Mary sat on the edge of her seat, and clasped her fingers together on her lap.

‘As your friend, I need to be truthful with you.  I am very concerned about the state of your well being and you do need proper assistance through this.  You are a talented lady; you told me you used to teach children at school, to sing sand play musical instruments, you must miss doing that, and the children would be missing you too.’  I could tell Mary was getting anxious.

‘Please don’t get upset with what I am about to share, I want you to know that everything we talk about is confidential, okay?’  Mary nodded her head.  ‘Someone, I believe to be a close family member has molested you on several occasions, when you were younger.  You have kept it to yourself, maybe because you are ashamed, or maybe because you have been threatened.  But I tell you right now that that man is a creep, what he has done is evil, and so wrong.’  Mary looked down to her hands, her face paler than before. She looked up and turned her face towards the wall and not at me.  I continued to talk to her, ‘It is alright for you to look at me and talk about this, I want you to be well and strong. I would like to put a question towards you.  Why give this creep the satisfaction of seeing you die slowly?  I want you to kick butt and get better!  Do you know he is getting some wicked pleasure out of seeing you die slowly?  How dare he continue to rape your life, like this! That is what you are allowing him to do, you know, by holding onto these toxic emotions.  Prove him wrong, be different and fight back!  You are a beautiful and talented lady, with great opportunities for a great and successful life.  Don’t let the evil win!’

Mary broke down and cried, ‘It is true, it is true.  How did you know?  No one knows, not my mum, no one!’  I stood beside her, my arm over her shaking shoulders, bones protruding; she was so tiny, so fragile and so broken.

‘You don’t have to talk anymore, this man has stuffed you around for long enough!  Get better and back to what you enjoy.  Get back to teaching those children, they need you and you need them.  Follow your heart and not his!’

‘Yes! Kick butt!  I hate him, I hate him! I will get better’  Mary cried.

There was an immediate turn around for Mary, the hate had produced the anger of the injustice, and this had been cemented in her subconsciousness, she was totally unaware of its evil driving force and its effect on her body.

The second step was to forgive this man, who had destroyed her life.  This did not mean for her to be in contact with him, but for the reason of freeing her completely of the hate and anger and learning to trust and love again.

Eventually she told me and her mother that it had been her dad.  Mary’s mother was unaware of this and it came as a great shock to her.  He was reported and kept away from their lives.

A year later Mary and her mother made contact again, and what a wonderful surprise it was to see them.  Mary was looking healthier and happier, she was back teaching at school, enjoying life; free from the anger and hate.  Mary is also helping others in similar circumstances, giving back what she had eventually found.

We sat together and chatted, while we had a cuppa, Mary handed me a block of chocolate!

‘So, please tell me, how did you know?’  Mary pleaded.

‘Love tells me all.’  I smiled and gave her a hug.

M. A. Loveday

What is the antidote to these destructive emotions?  It has to be pure love!

As I think on this powerful emotion I realise that it is a gift to all who would be willing to receive, and I am even more convinced that love can heal.  What do you think?

My book ‘Emily’, is full of the healing power of love, Emily’  is available from Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, Angus and Robertsons/Bookworld and other online stores in paperback and ebook

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Love is Important

Love is Important

Margaret Loveday – Friday, October 03, 2014

Love is a powerful emotion and so important to the health of every living soul.  I see it over and over again in the lives of the people that cross my path.  There is more and more research proving the positive impact of love on the health of the body. In my book ‘Emily’, the interactions between the characters emphasize this point;  Ruby strengthened Emily with her love and attention, enabling her to excel in her life’s journey.

‘Psychology Today’, blogs about the human touch:  “We all need human touch and loving affection at every stage of our lives for healthy emotional and neurological development.

A study from UCLA suggests that a loving parental figure may alter neural circuits in children that could influence health throughout a lifespan.  And, toxic childhood stress has been linked to elevated cholesterol, cardiovascular disease, metabolic syndrome and other physical conditions posing significant risk.  Love protects against childhood stress.”

In their book ‘Born for Love: Why Empathy is Essential – and Endangered’, Bruce D Perry, Maia Szalavitz write: “1/3 of babies placed in the barest orphanages can actually die, as a result of being placed in care before the age of 5 years.  Each month spent in an orphanage in early life reduces IQ and increases risk of behavioral and psychological problems.

How can, simply being in an orphanage kill a baby?  They die from lack of love.  When an infant falls below the threshold of physical affection needed to stimulate the production of growth hormone and the immune system, his or her body will breakdown.”

Dr Stephen Sinatra, Cardiologist writes, “Incredible sadness can cause heartbreak – heart disease.  Intense anger can cause high blood pressure.”

What is the antidote to these destructive emotions?  It has to be pure love!

As I think on this powerful emotion I realise that it is a gift to all who would be willing to receive, and I am even more convinced that love can heal.  What do you think?

52. Stars-loveis the most powerful gift

‘Emily’ the book available from:

Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, Angus and Robertson, and other online stores

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Love is a Healing Force

My heart is to give a gift of love. ‘Emily’ is a book that I would like out into the world and into the hands of as many people as possible. I would like everyone who reads it to receive something, and hopefully that something is faith, hope and love.  Love being the most important, it is the most powerful emotion that everyone needs every day.

There are many aspects of life and love to delve into, in this book; one of them I would like to talk about is PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It is only in this modern age that society has actually become aware of this very crippling condition; it has always been there but never labelled or accepted.  It has been buried under many carpets and affected many lives.

There are many reasons or circumstances why this condition may occur, trauma from war, floods, fire, earthquakes, accidents, abuse, and anything that causes fear and terror.

In the story of ‘Emily’, our main character Emily is rejected and starved of love, and Nick and Dimmy, suffered from the loss of their daughter in a car accident leaving them mentally and emotionally broken.

Dimmy had a ‘knowing’ that they shouldn’t travel by car but by plane, to their holiday destination.  It was so strong in her, she pleaded with Nick and her daughter to change their plans but was overruled by both, this caused an anger towards Nick that effected their relationship.

Nick’s sister Kath, a professional psychologist, gently guided them patiently with love.  Kath knew that Nick and Dimmy still loved one another, so she was confident that with time they would both heal.

Nick and Dimmy, who owned Green Coastal Wildlife Park and had to run the Park together, were advised by Kath that they should live separately but in close proximity, while they worked through the PTSD.  This way any negativity and anger that Dimmy felt towards Nick was avoided as much as possible.

So Nick built a beautiful cabin for Dimmy with a view of ‘Bellbird Gully’, surrounded by the calming sounds of the bellbirds, other native birds and the wildflowers and scents of the bush.  It was a place of peace and tranquility with a wrap-around verandah and a three-seater swing, so she could look out on the view and take in the ambience.

36. Nature colours our world compress

Dimmy and Nick, were well aware of the damage stress can have on the body, they kept an eye on one another making sure they were eating nutritious foods, taking extra nutritional supplementation, and exercising every day.

The Rangers, of the Park were all part of the family, at Green Coastal Wildlife Park; they were also counselled by Kath and were asked if they would be sensitive, loving and positive towards Nick and Dimmy and not to ask them questions about the accident. The couple wasn’t to be pressured to talk about it, as it could make things worse. It was important for Nick and Dimmy though, to know that there were people around them that were ready to listen when they wanted to talk.

Kath told Nick and Dimmy that it was important for them not isolate themselves but to mix with those that they felt comfortable and to continue to be part of the social activities in the Park.  The Rangers all conspired to have more fun times like cricket and barbecues on the beach.

Gradually the couple started to spend time together swimming, bushwalking, or just sitting on the verandah having a cuppa, enjoying each other’s company once again.  They were taught distraction techniques of taking up new projects and research to fill their minds with good things, enabling them to live life with more stability; this began to strengthen their relationship.

So when Emily enters into their lives they were ready mentally and emotionally to share their support and love, they were able to reach out to this traumatised little girl.  When Dimmy became aware of how much Emily and her Great Grandmother had been through, it enabled her to let go of her own fears and be filled with pure love.  The threads of love entwined around their hearts, healing and strengthening each one of them.

May the gift of love – an ever powerful force – heal and give strength to your life today.

51. choose pure love and never starve compress

‘Emily’ the book is available from Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, Angus and Robertsons/Bookworld and other online stores in paperback and ebook

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